she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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