We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
