I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
