i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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