I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
