I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
