your thong is hanging out like whoa
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
