Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
