Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
