She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
