my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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