I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
