No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
