quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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