i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
