I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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