Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
