So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
