dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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