Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
