escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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