Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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