Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
