Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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