Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
