She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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