Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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