Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
