I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
