I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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