I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
