Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
