Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
