she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
