i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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