I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we made out on top of his cat.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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