i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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