I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
