She is in my trunk
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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