Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
