He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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