Need sex. Gaining weight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
