I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
