Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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