so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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