and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
