And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
