He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
