eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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