I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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