you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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