found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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