final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
