VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
