Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Randomize
